Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
