It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
