i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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