I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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