just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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