whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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