are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
