at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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