I wanna bring you to show and tell
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
