Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
