I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
