she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
