I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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