The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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