bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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