Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
