She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
