After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
