I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
