Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
