Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
