Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
