he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
