I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
