mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
