I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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