we're chasing vodka with high fives
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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