guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Found your dick twin last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
