Don't you send me to vm
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
