I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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