Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
