Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
