You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
