Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
