oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
