I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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