this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
