Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
