you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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