He asked me if I "almost moaned"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
