A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
