I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
