I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
