just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
