Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
