I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
