Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He called his prostate his "boner button".
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
