Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
