is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
