we have officially lost it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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